Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
