So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
