Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
