I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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