wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
