remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
