they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
