all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
