yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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