So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
