i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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