No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
