if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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