I skipped work to stalk him.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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