its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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