Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
