So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
