And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
