apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize