Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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