A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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