I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
