I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
