dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
