I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
