i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
