Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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