the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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