I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
