I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
