You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
