you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
