So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
