Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
