i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
