apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
