Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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