my sisters under your porch take her home
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
