Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
