Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
