im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
