Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
