One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
