Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just gift wrapped bread.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
