VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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