Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
