Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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