I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
