Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
