he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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