So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
