I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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