I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
