I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize