I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
