I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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