Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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