she pinky promised me she was 18
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
