some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
