it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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