isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
