How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
