i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
