well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
