We're facebook friends in real life
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
