Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
