One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
