And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
