I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
