I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
