Michael Bay diarrhea
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
