I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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