I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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