Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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