um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It's just like the Real World with babies
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
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I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
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You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
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