You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize