worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
